Straighten-A-Sotong Part XII

The final consultation before the admission. I had to first take an X-ray, so I went straight to the Diagnostic Imaging. However, the staff there "checked" and said that I had to see the doctor first. Huh? Ok whatever. When I got to the Ortho clinic, they asked me if I had taken my X-ray. See, I told them! Pissed! And I was sent back to take X-ray. Now, I could never be in time for the doctor's appointment at 11.30am so now I would definitely have to spend lunchtime here. Waste of time! The food sucks somemore!

I think the radiographers all recognize me already lor. All those 高难度 and weird poses. I was supposed to stay and wait for the films, but it didn't register when they told me, so Father had to go back to get them. Had lunch at the Can Rigged Win's Kopitiam. Aiyah still tasted the same lor.

Dr L has gone to the spine clinic at Can Rigged Win. Nicer waiting area, gentler lighting. Got free coffee and tea at the water dispenser somemore. And its own toilet! But it was a ridiculously long wait. Easily 2hrs long. Finished so many stages of Angry Birds that I was worrying that I could run out of stages. It's not that he was putting all other patients before me. I think there were only 2 people before me, including the person who was already in there when I arrived? 1 hr per patient!

Finally, I was called in, but Dr L asked me to wait and went out to another room, where I overheard him trying to talk a patient into having surgery. Angry Birds again for me lor. Shit man, I really hated this wheelchair. Butt damn pain and the push handles were in my bones.

O yeah my turn for real now. Dr L commented that from my MRI, I was really straight when lying down, so hopefully, we wouldn't have to break so many bones. Yay! But means still got to break lah? I wonder what he meant by breaking bones *shivers*

Q&A time.

Sotong: For about how days will I be in hospital?

Dr L: When did I ask you to come in?

Sotong: 1 week before.

Dr L: 1 week before? So many days? (you mean you don't remember??)

Sotong: Yeah! I was going to ask you if we really need 1 week. What are we going to do that is going to take 7 days?

Dr L: No need lah, I think you just come 3 days before.

Sotong: Great! (less boring!) And what would I be doing before the surgery?

Dr L: We will put you in traction, something that will pull your neck and feet and stretch your body, which some people find quite painful. We will see how well you tolerate it.
Sotong: :O

Sotong: About how long is my downtime? (can't believe I said *downtime*)

Dr L: Depends. (so 废) How many days of hospitalization leave do you have.

Sotong: About 60 days.

Dr L: You can take it all!

That's not the point, but nevermind.

Sotong: What exactly would be done during the surgery?

Dr L: From below the neck to (points a few vertebrae down) xxxyyyyzzz, from here to here, aaabbbbccc. (something about inserting screws to FIX the spine)

Sotong: Would I be able to bend my back after the surgery?

Dr L: Of course not. Your back has to be fixed to prevent further curvature.

Sotong: (shucks) So I will be all rigid?

Dr L: Yes, you will be very stiff.

Sotong: (sounds terrible lor!) Can I do this? This? (did a few movements)

Dr L: Yes you can still turn your head as only the bottom of the neck is affected. This is twisting of your trunk and doesn't require bending of the spine, so that is still possible. But bending to pick things from the floor cannot be done.

I think I can live with not being able to pick things up.

Dr L: From now till the surgery, do not take Chinese medicine.

Sotong: Huh? Ok...

And I will need to wear a back brace for 2 years.

And have to bring the X-rays for admission.

Dr L asked again for the surgeries I have had before.

Sotong: Scapulopexy.
Dr L: When was that?
Sotong: 10 over years ago... when I was 17... (Maths very poor, had to do a quick mental calculation) 12 years ago? (still not sure. Maths FAIL)
Dr L: By whom, do you remember?
Sotong: Er... J H I think.(Why do you need to know this?)
Dr L: Ok...

I still remember how that doctor looked like, although I might not be able to recognize him now 10 years down the road. But I sure do still remember the pain. I still blame him for that.

The very busy Dr L has another appointment that he's already late for, so he offered a handshake (weird? I think we were more like superior-subordinate kind of relationship than a cooperative equal. You don't shake hands with your boss, do you? Unless he's your boss-to-be at the interview stage), said bye and left the clinic, leaving the MO handle the rest of the nitty gritty. The MO suggested that I come in on Sunday instead, as there might be no bed should I admit on Monday. What? Make me pay for 1 more day when they should reserve one for me? Ah ok whatever.

He received a call on his mobile. I think the nurse from A&E was calling him.

MO: I'm busy right now, I can't come over. What is wrong with the patient? (pause) Can you ask the HO to do it? (pause) What do you mean he don't know how to do it? Ok, what is the patient having? (pause) Low blood pressure? What, patient said? Does he know the symptoms of low blood pressure or not? (pause) Put him on the phone please. (pause) Do you know the symptoms of low blood pressure? (pause) I know the patient said so, but do you know the symptoms? (long pause) You know or not? (pause) Yes... yes... no... ok ok I will come over later.

Gosh! A&E sounded like a dangerous place with HOs who didn't know what they were doing! FYI, HO a.k.a. the scary fresh grads that people speak of. Of course, not all HOs are like that, but this one really CMI. Good luck to that patient at A&E. I think my MO should really be there soon.

But he must be done with me first. I signed the consent, he did his part, gave me my MC and sent me to pre-admission counseling next door.

Today was really a day of waiting. Counseling also must wait. A lady entered, very slowly logged into the system and started fiddling around in such a way that you can tell she didn't know how to use it. She appeared to be looking for a certain functionality and when she found it, I think she didn't know how to work it. Keyed in some figures, went "eh?", started over... I almost wanted to volunteer my help just to make things go faster. Fortunately, she recognized that she needed help and went out to get it. Things went pretty smoothly afterwards. Got my new bill estimate, which, curiously, was still not far off the previous one despite the stay being 8 days shorter at 10 days. Just about $3000 less.

When I passed by the entrance of the clinic, I caught a glimpse of their list of specialists. Right on, or near the top was Dr J H.

O.

HEAD lor. Dr L's boss lor. Luckily I never complain about him hahaha.

I went to the Business Office to discuss the deposit. The same lady recognized me hohoho. Must be the horrendous bill size.

Good news! I could still pay $5000 deposit upon admission.

She noticed that the Medishield estimate was missing, so she advised me to go back to the clinic and inform the staff that Medishield estimates are mandatory now. Har... still must go back and pass message. My words got power meh? She should call the clinic for me. &*#*$(#

Went back to the clinic, waited somemore, passed the message and got a new printout. Finally I could go home.

Today's damage:
Consultation Services (SC - RV) $68.00
X-ray
 Chest (one view) $30.00
 Spine Scoliosis (More than 2 V $165.00

Subsidy -$145.00
Out of pocket $118.00

Googled traction, but still didn't have a clear idea of what it is. What pull my head! Sounds like I will be hanged! Painful somemore! Help!

Tomorrow, time for the inevitable... hope things will go well.

Free Lion King?

L lent me her name for the Lion King tickets, but so far the company has not charged us yet. It's already her last day today, so it's... free? :D

National Day

Sotong is so patriotic this year! Shall celebrate National Day this year, after a 2-year hiatus I think.

Of course, being a grown-up, instead of waving plastic flags and singing national songs, I have new ways of showing my appreciation for my dear homeland.

First, lunch at Auntie Kim's Korean Restaurant. This restaurant is highly recommended by my sister, so I shall go try it out! Haven't had Korean BBQ for a long time. Not counting Seoul Garden, the last time was 2 years ago in Taiwan. Took a cab there and almost missed the entrance to the carpark. The skillful driver reversed in through the exit ^_^;; Missed then jialat liao, got to u-turn, dunno where! The restaurant is located at one of those shophouses along Upper Thomson Road, so you can expect it to have a handicapped-unfriendly entrance.

The restaurant looked rather small. Glad I made a reservation. Must emphasize you want the air-con seats! That day was so hot and humid that we could have died eating spicy food out there.

First up, the appetizers. They were all so yummy that I could get by just eating them. Free-flow mah. But the restaurant sure not happy one haha. Say, has anybody tried doing that before? The potato salad-like thing was awesome! The kimchi was on the salty side, but still nice. I love salt. Yum.

The waitress' English was so heavily-accented that I could hardly understand her. Think she's the boss' daughter.

The highly-raved ginseng chicken soup with just a hint of ginseng. The chicken meat tore off the bone easily. Lots of goodies in the soup.

We also got BBQ beef, which we asked the kitchen to cook for us instead of DIY. After the experience in Taiwan, I'm convinced I can't do it as well as the cook, so let them do it, don't destroy the meat, make it worth the $$. Apply some bean paste and wrap in the vegee to eat. Sister did it for me of course. *empress dowager*

The bimimbap! 1 bowl for the 3 of us, but I was still filled to the brim. Why was the egg cooked? :(

So so so full! Luckily I didn't order the pancake.

Still had time to spare, so we walked over to Thomson Plaza. Nothing much there as usual. Had teh at Hans. Western food restaurant selling teh, hmm... Bought a new cushion.

Overheard a cheapo woman walk into a shop and asked very directly, "你们有 National Day sale 吗?" when there was no sale sign seen anywhere. And when the sales assistant replied, she still want to confirm again!! "真的没有?" *faints* Walk next to her also paiseh!

Went shopping at NTUC for provisions to sustain ourselves later. Spotted Haagen Daz sale with flavors still available! But couldn't buy now lah. Saw the Pure gummy that I bought from Japan! Damn expensive, but I want! Then bought a sandwich from Subway, cleared ourselves out at the toilet, bought newspapers and left. As usual, there wasn't any cab at the queue when it was our turn zzz.

Dropped at MBS. Watched the fireworks here 2 years ago too. The place was full of foreign workers lor. The odor was more evident at the casino entrance :X Went Cold Storage to look for drinks... very hard to find cheap drinks in MBS. Saw the Milo van. but long queue as usual. When can I have a Milo from the van again? Nothing comes as close as it. They were distributing sachets of instant Milo that could dissolve in cold water to make up for it, just needed to find a water cooler though.

The area where I camped the last time was out of bounds.

Found ourselves a great spot! Only con was that the sun was in our faces.

Not a big deal. There's a white board used for covering the electrical box.

Whiled the time away reading newspapers.

The sun hid behind the buildings soon.

Action started!

People from the marching contingent streaming into the cordoned area. Wa... special fireworks spot for them lor.

And the fireworks began! Spectacular! There goes my taxes! And nobody blocking me! Don't leave yet, still got round 2 de.

Too late for dinner, anyway it's crowded everywhere, so we went home. The cab queue was long as expected, but there was no cabs. Abnormal! Shouldn't the supply be endless here? Jialat lor, call also no use de. We waited in the line that hardly moved. The security guard also never offered to let us jump queue. Die ah die ah how many hours will this wait be? People in front, you really should take public transport you know.

A cab came and stopped next to us, offering to take us first. Really? Yay on! But it took us a bloody long time to drive out of the pickup point alone. I thought it was due to the ambulance parked in front, but it was stuck like us. Took us like 15min to clear the pickup point...

Carpark sign spoil liao. Negative lots available!

Missed call alerts started coming in. Phone signal sucks in MBS, with all the crowd.

Reason for the gridlock was because the road towards Suntec City was closed, so everybody had to u-turn. By the time we cleared the u-turn, the fare was already $9.70. Cabs were already hailed from the roadside when they were driving towards MBS. No wonder the cab queue was empty.

Dinner was Geylang beef horfun. I thought I surely had to eat instant mee after fireworks, like 2 years ago.

Cow-selling Notes: In The (Mad) House, Yo!

On week 2 of April, Mr B, the user from Irritating Mad House sent an angry email about his Cow-selling Notes reports not generating. I didn't understand what he was talking about. Haven't even develop what, of course not generating lah. After clarification with the TL, I realized that there was an existing cow-selling report based on the old database table. Only Irritating Mad House has this report. After the new cow-selling notes went live, the data was no longer flowing to the old table. Hence no report was generated.

OOPS. This was undeniably our fault. Looked like existing reports were left out from the impact analysis of the specifications. At least for me, I didn't even know this report existed! And of all institutions, the screw-up had to happen to Irritating Mad House. Cham!

Actually, Irritating Mad House didn't want this CR at all. But all the others wanted it, and it was more difficult to exclude an institution than to apply for all, so Irritating Mad House had to accept it. For free. Not such a bad deal eh?

Since they didn't want it, no impact analysis was done for them. But it was also not highlighted that their report would cease to exist.

I don't know what to say.

Of course Mr B was not going to take ”no more old report anymore” for an answer. He threw a fit and demanded his report as he needed to give it to his boss. No, the new report was unacceptable.

What's wrong with the new report! More details what! What was the thing that couldn't be derived from the new report? This Mr B really got problem! And probably his boss too. Is there anybody at least marginally normal there?

No choice, TL and I had to write a query immediately to extract the data for him. Must fit into the format of the old report. In the end, it looked really crappy. I was sure Mr B was going to scream again.

Surprisingly, Mr B was placated. Got something to 交货 can already? That's so unlike him.

Something was up his sleeve. We knew it! He demanded we ”restore” his original report - with this new format he was proposing. For free. And he even provided the folder name to deposit the files in.

In short, Irritating Mad House first made things difficult by saying don't want don't want. The result - a free CR landed in their laps. Wait for us to make a mistake and 顺便 upgrade report. So 奸!

Well, we broke their report, didn't we? Lose liao lor.

Since I'm blogging about this, you must have guessed that I kena arrowed to do the report lor. Mr B provided the format he was expecting. Waa want to extract type X,Y but not Z, into 2 separate Excel files with different headers.... REALLY TAKING FULL ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION.

Haiz.

Mr B's requirements were not perfect of course. They will result in permutation of data and I'm not sure if he would like that. I requested the AiHiss contact, T, to confirm with B, but T also scared haha. In the end, for things that were not too major, we made our own assumptions and hoped for the safety of our heads.

On a brighter note, Mr B's requirements didn't include columns with 1000 characters. I am not interested in finding out whether DTS packages have the same weird problems as SSIS. The good (and bad) thing about DTS is that there is no control over the formatting of each Excel cell (not that I know of), so I could get away with not fixing cosmetic issues. ”It's like that! Technical limitation!”

The UAT went smoothly. Phew~ Rolled out 2 months later.

Apart from production issues, we were done with cow-selling notes. It could be the longest CR I have ever done. Don't want to hear from it again!

Ready, Get Fat, GO!

Yeah yeah it's the month to get fat!

After artery-clogging crabs, 游油 rosemary chicken, rich Brotzeit and high blood pressure-inducing Santouka all in the space of 1 week, here's the finale - the precursor to diabetes - cake!

This year, I got a cake from Swissbake. Less atas haha!

A very humble oreo cheesecake. Why? Just felt like eating lor.

Cheap and good!

Oily Rosemary Chicken

Colleague dapaoed lunch for me from the bistro. I thought they got me 油鸡 instead.

It's practically swimming in oil, appalling!

I tilted the box and let as much oil drain as possible before eating it. Left the salad and most of the fries alone as they were SOAKED.

Movie Monday

Believe it or not, more than half the year has gone, but I haven't been to a single movie yet, with the last one being Avatar back in Jan 2010?! Which movie could do the honors of breaking the spell?

How about the upcoming latest installment of Transformers, Dark of the Moon? I had caught the previous 2 movies on my computer *cough cough* and felt this is a series justified on a large screen. Looked up the schedule for it. Wow there were more 3D screenings than normal 2D. Spoilt for choice! Even Mother was interested, so how about a birthday outing? Shall wait for the booking to open then.

Lately, there has been a lot of buzz about how wonderful Transformers would look in IMAX. Inspired! 2 of my friends were even taking leave to watch on a weekday :O

I checked out the schedule for IMAX in Lido. Ehh so few slots ah? Why did it look like they only had 1 theater and that single theater only has so few seats? Why only 1 screening daily? What were they up to for the rest of the day? And all weekend seats were already gone, up till the 9/10 Jul weekend?? And that's the one and only IMAX theater screening Transformers??? The other was Omni Theater, but can't expect them to screen Transformers right.

How about waiting for the 16/17 Jul weekend's schedule to release and chiong it? Luckily I saw the advertisement for Harry Potter on Lido's website (I subconsciously filter out internet advertisements)... if it were to be released on 14 Jul, this meant it would be taking over the IMAX theater... meaning no more Transformers once Harry Potter is released! So, if I want to watch IMAX, I must watch on a weekday, where seats were still aplenty. That's not a tough choice to make. Brother and Sister too, just that Mother couldn't make it. Too bad... :P (unfilial daughter!)

Let's make this a long weekend cum pre-birthday celebration. :D $19.25 each, ouch!

Slept till 饱饱, got dressed and went out with Father. First, lunch at Ngee Ann City's Crystal Jade Kitchen. No queue at all, abnormal! Ate the prawn horfun and dimsum. Tried 流沙包 for the first time. Delicious! But too bad my appetite wasn't in top form today. Then we went for a walk at Taka basement. They were having a Hokkaido fair with lots of yummy food! If we had known, we would have eaten here :( Bought instant ramen.

Then we walked over to Shaw House.

Empty Orchard on a quiet Monday afternoon.

The dumb thing was that it was really inconvenient for a wheelchair to to Shaw House. Had to walk down the side of Ion, cross over to Wheelock Place, down Wheelock Place and finally cross over to Shaw House. All under the hot sun. Irritating!

Then the next thing was, the lifts to the theater were different from the shopping lifts. There would be no problem if one could take the escalator lah, but I had to use the lifts at the back of the building. The lift brought us to the carpark, and the only way back to the aircon was by steps?? Fortunately a guy who knew the way around showed us a secret walkway where we emerged from a well-camouflaged wall in the box office. LATE!

And of course, got to climb stairs up to our seats, in the dark and people had to make way for us because we were sitting in the middle. Sorry peeps :X

Got to wear those humongous and heavy specs. I didn't experience the nauseousness reported by some. The new female lead was another 大花瓶. Smart one though, for she wore heels when she didn't need to run and carried with her an extra pair of flats to change into when she had to run through crashing buildings. Aiyah, if you would overlook the depth of the plot and just focus on this film's selling point (special effects!), then it's a really enjoyable treat for the eyeballs. IMAX looks so much better than 3D!

People exiting the theater at the end of the movie. I think the credits were 3D too.

There was a queue of cabs outside. Cool! We were going to have dinner at Mellben! I had made a reservation, but seriously, I shouldn't have bothered. Super empty at 6.30pm and we were given a table that would have seated 8 comfortably.

Got a drink each to quench our thirst since the movie. Butter crab was still good. Got 馒头 to mop up the gravy. Crab beehoon appeared to have dropped further in standard. The soup didn't taste sweet enough. Or I'm getting immuned. Crabs were still fleshy and sweet though. Deer meat was tough and just normal. Deep fried seafood tofu, still good. I think we ordered very little ley, the restaurant must be very disappointed in us haha. Total damage of $147.80.

Dinner kept getting interrupted by phone calls from work because it's production deployment tonight. Already told the guys to raise their questions last week liao, but dunno no questions or bo hiu me. Now then keep calling. Those were not even my files, still keep calling and expect me to pass messages to the author! Got sian and just ignored my phone. My crab beehoon soup all cold liao lor knn. Poor phone, must be so oily now. *sayang*

When we were leaving, the queue was long! So late already, those people not hungry meh?

And it was tough getting a cab.

Cow-selling Notes: The Batch Job

There was still a batch job outstanding. S was pulled out to work on the next hot potato, so I was on my own.

It was a monthly batch job to extract data into Excel. Sounds simple. It could have been, if not for the usual complications and unexpected roadblocks.

Again, it was the slipshod specifications. Data from 3 tables were to be extracted into 3 separate Excel files. Looked at the sample files and shook head - the formatting of the headers were different for all 3 files. The design of the columns were unsuitable for certain types of data. I think it's a 5 min work. And obviously none of the users had bothered to open the sample files for a look. If I were to give this for UAT, sure kena firing squad.

But what if... that was what the users truly wanted? They siao siao one sometimes.

After consulting the TL, we were going to change the columns. However, I would leave the headers intact.

I had to use a tool that I had never used before - SQL Server 2005 Integration Services to create a SSIS package. I was not the first to do this, so I had a sample program for reference. Using VB scripting, it runs a query and writes the results line by line into Excel. Sounds simple.

But of course, how could the Sotong be let off lightly? No development phase can get through without a struggle.

I quickly realized that my batch job was going to be far more complex than the sample. The sample was full of hardcodes. If I didn't want to be writing and maintaining 7 different programs, I had better figure out how to use variables. Man, the development tool's UI could use some redesign. It was a struggle to pass variables. Not very intuitive! I had to scour the internet for a very detailed guide. The kind for dummies. Not a friendly learning curve.

I found that passing blank as an input parameter to the batch job wasn't allowed. That's deviating from the usual way we work. Potentially, it might pose a problem if somebody other than me were meddling with it. Which meant that I MUST write the monitoring guide to cover my backside already.

File exists check before generating the file... later, if I have the time! (usually means never)

When I found the Excel Connection Manager, I thought it was a totally cool idea. It could spool data directly into an Excel file. No need for VB script afterall!

I tested using the debug mode. Printed 1 line successfully! Ok continue!

But when I tried to run the proper way by using the SQL Server Agent, it didn't work :( Some cryptic Excel error. Don't know how to add more logs to help myself XD

Ok nevermind. Why don't I try fixing it on SIT instead?

WORSE. The moment Excel was launched, it asked for the installation CD. The prompt will go away if you click Cancel, but I couldn't be incorporating the click into my batch job?? Asked R for access to the CD, but the SIT server couldn't locate the file it wanted.

Great. So this batch job shall join the dll-based ones, cannot be run on SIT. I informed my TL that the batch job was going straight to UAT since there was no way we could test on SIT. He wanted me to ask for help to fix the problem as he didn't want his things to end up like the rest, but I refused flatly. I have tried already, and I didn't have time to try harder. The environment setup has been left hanging for don't know how long already, so I don't think I should even believe it will be fixed for me.

万事有 UAT environment~ Totally wrong, but bo bian. Actually, it saves time because it is almost the same as Production. If it works in UAT, chances are, it will work in Production. And that's all we wish for!

I ran into the same problem :( SHIT. Don't tell me our system cannot support and I got to redo the whole shit in some other way?

Googled the bloody cryptic error message again. There HAS to be a solution. This is not the time to get stuck!

FOUND. Instead of using Integration Services package job step, I should use the command line job step to call the 64–bit version of dtexec.

DIAO!!

I wasn't interested in finding out why. As long as it's working!

Time for the next bomb. The extraction worked fine for narrow date ranges, but failed upon expansion to 1mth's data. Query wasn't slow... I soon discovered the ultimate, stupidest, mother of all limitations -

You cannot spool more than 255 characters into an Excel cell.

I mean, what era is this already??

I want to 跳楼 now.

Blame it on the technical analysis. The users should never have been allowed to enter more than 255 characters.

Ha. Ha. Over the users' dead bodies!

I know. I can truncate and hopes nobody finds out.

Yeah... Right...

Propose to give a flat file instead.

Ok, but only as a last resort.

There was absolutely no problem with spooling into a flat file, but I couldn't figure out how to convert the flat file into Excel. This transplantation is a very simple copy and paste function when performed manually.

You know you are going insane when you start thinking:

You know, I think I would rather do it manually than to go on struggling. It's only once a month.

Shout 救命 also no use. Nobody can help me. Not even Google.

The fucking 3G signal didn't cooperate during office hours. Or colleagues have a greater right to it because they were doing investigations. And I was multi-tasking.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. I could split long data into 255-characters long segments and spool into separate cells first, then concatenate them line by line using VB script. Sounds stupid and slow, but WHATEVER THAT WORKS!

Ok try out now! I struggled with the bloody syntax - it's similar to Excel macros but the summation button is the chimmest thing I can do on Excel >_< And it did work!!! Tried with lots of data, not slow also! Finally!!

Emboldened by my new bag of tricks, I threw in decoration for the headers. Just bold the header only lah. Something that wasn't mentioned in the specifications, but I knew the users would surely ask for.

Breezed through SIT by giving the files generated from UAT. Again, TL asked me to deploy to SIT, but I called it a waste of time. Attitude liao haha.

For UAT, I wanted to give the users the same files for them to verify, but they asked for the data from Production. Hey... that means I need to deploy to Production although we haven't passed UAT? Where got like that one? NO!! Block! Why was AiHiss supporting such a request anyway?

Actually, I was in favor of it lah, because I'm not so comfortable with the unconventional way the batch job was done. Testing with real-life data on the actual server will allow me to prevent failures upon rollout. We have been having issues for every release and I dread the day I'm responsible for one!

Also, the batch job would not affect anything else if deployed to production.

But the PM succumbed. O well... Now I had to deal with the DBA because I'm gonna mess with his server... and he didn't know SSIS as well as I did yet.

Surrrprise! Gargantuan volume of data for No Use Hospital, couldn't fit into 1 Excel worksheet at all! Each worksheet could only hold 2¹⁶=65,536 rows but that was not even enough for 1 week's data.

See, never do impact analysis! How? Need to send out the files tonight already.

Don't care, I shall take the liberty to split into more Excel files. Got to do it manually since I needed time to figure out how to automate it. Actually, I'm not going to entrap myself by suggesting that. Splitting into different worksheets in the same file was a no-no too. Any form of splitting is bad! Probably shall propose increasing the job frequency or just spool into flat file (dream come true!).

Surrrprise #2! No other institution's data volume even came close. Only Took Their Savings Hospital might have a problem if they suddenly decide to increase their volume and of course they won't think they were obliged to warn us. How to convince them to accept my proposals above?

I don't know. The TL and PM can think about it. I'm going home, bye.

So in the end, No Use Hospital agreed to the flat file with the job frequency unchanged. because the user is savvy enough to import into his own database. But the rest of the pampered guys still wanted Excel, but job frequency increased to weekly.

Great, now I have more things to maintain!! ARGH!!! STAB ME PLS!!!

Since things were going to be kept within a single worksheet, we could merge all 3 files into 3 worksheets in a single file. Less clutter!

The batch job entered production officially. I had to manually generate April's files :( While doing so, I found that sometimes, the batch job simply refused to start, throwing some weird Excel error again. I found numerous Excel processes still running although there were no active applications. If I killed the processes, the batch job was back to normal. Odd... Shall see if it happened when it ran automatically.

Yeah... It happened. Luckily I anticipated it and was able to recover the files before the users found out XD

And so began the long and painful investigation and fixing. I swear I have .Close and .Quit each and every Excel object I created. Want to give up, but... :((

Can I just kill every Excel process I find?

Sure, if I'm quitting really soon, like, now!

As it I didn't have enough problems, my SQL Server Management Studio expired. Reinstalled, but now my Visual Studio Tools for Applications was unable to find my imports. Hey wtf, it was all ok just now! After fumbling through tonnes of websites and forums (many with why-are-you-asking-a-noob-question-pls-go-read-up kind of reply), I found that some system files have gone missing. No idea how it happened. Together with the DBA, we copied them from whereever they were found, to the GAC folder. And you can bet I have never heard of GAC till today.

The discovery - in the VB script, each time an Excel element is manipulated, an Excel process will be created. Each worksheet, row, column, blah blah, right down to the cell level. And they will linger until you release each them explicitly in the correct order.

OMFG why does something like this still exist?? 我要上吊!!

You drive me crazy!

FINE. I FIX. *grumbles*

And the batch job was finally running successfully on its own.

But it's not the end of the saga yet.

Disk space in the server was running out fast with this new report! I never developed for archival - I thought of it, but usually not part of the batch job mah, and basic requirements not done yet, so this can wait! Aiyah zipping is also a temporary solution only. Users want them in the shared drive mah, so the only true solution is to increase storage. Out of my hands!

Monitoring guide not done yet. LATER!!

Coming up next, more problems.

Favorite Letter of the Year

It has to be the $$$ Bonus cum Increment $$$ letter!

2.9 months! Whee! Personal best!

No, don't talk to me about how much people working in banks get. Tsk.

Ya, back to the letter.

Increment of 6.5625%!

When there was no increment last year...

So, I can tell my boss about the bomb already, right?

Nah, I think I will tell her after I sign the consent... confirmed already then say. For what I know, I might chicken out of it?

Sotong Captures the Lion Again

Due to the overwhelming response, SinkHell decided to offer discounted Lion King tickets again. Having missed it the last time round, N wanted to try for it this time. Yup, she didn't keep the tickets for herself quietly. Or she wasn't kiasu enough nor open enough about it to discuss strategies. Well anyway, I agreed to help her out. What to do, people always help me mah. 有 Sotong 在，confirm 拿到票!

The link to the booking site was to be released at 12 noon again, so we've gonna have a late lunch. I stood by with my laptop, ready to help her launch a DDoS attack perform the booking. This time, the link was sent on time. A National Cockup Schedules URL. On N's terminal, it was asking for OAID login, but on my laptop, it seemed to have automatically detected my identity and logged in as me. This would not do as I wasn't entitled to the show again. I didn't know how to logoff, so, sorry, couldn't help!

So, they have now upgraded the system by limiting it to staff! *Applause*

On her own terminal, N keyed in her credentials, but upon submitting, the system threw a cryptic error message. Retried, happened again. Could hear the others feeling confused too. No idea what the problem was. System didn't seem slow. Not ready? No idea :( PM was asking the TL if he knew the meaning, but he didn't.

I noticed the URL changing to a Sistic one for a split second before reverting to National Cockup Schedules upon submitting. Hmm. I tried to capture that Sistic URL by hitting Stop button and accessed the URL directly. Guess what, IT WORKED! N could now book her tickets. Everything was super smooth once we got past that stupid login screen!

Which brought me to the conclusion that Sistic must be very mad with us for causing slowness at their website the last time, so they made us put up this pseudo-login screen which was nothing but a... not even a load balancer ley, dunno what to call it, maybe Toto results generator lah, lucky can get in lor. So after you managed to access Sistic, everything was back to the usual Sistic workflow, where you needed a Sistic account at the end, without further verification of your identity. Dumb hor. What were they thinking?

After N has secured her booking, I broadcasted the trick to the people who I knew were trying, such as my PM. Too bad appraisal over already haha.

Don't mess with programmers! Even blur and lazy ones. Still good at useless things!

Last Lake Fish

NOoooOOooOO!!!!

Lion King - The Musical

I still couldn't believe how lucky I was to snag 3 tickets on a Saturday. Can sleep till whenever I wanted, go shopping, watch Lion King, get home late and still be in no hurry to sleep. Sadly, Brother had to work, so it's just Sister and me for the day programme.

Sister was thinking of eating Todai for lunchner (lunch + dinner), but I'm really not confident of eating buffets anymore :( 1.5hrs might not be enough for slow, adult eaters.

We dropped off at Suntec City. Wasn't really hungry, so lunch was just Soup Spoon's clam chowder (craving for MSG but stopping myself from eating ramen again) and some of Sister's doughnuts. Then we grabbed a cuppa from Joe & Dough, which was actually quite good. I think I'm outgrowing Starbucks and Coffee Bean already?

Window-shopped. Couldn't buy anything although it was GSS since I didn't know if I could still use it 4mths later...

Dinner was Thai Express at Esplanade because Sister had never tried it before. Don't ever eat at this outlet. The green curry laksa was way too salty. So salty that I couldn't bear drinking the soup and was actually straining it from the noodles. Bleah. Were they trying to cater to the tourists, which might have a higher proportion of people from country C? The tomyam seafood glass noodles' soup was souless. Plain sourish and spicy, no seafood taste. I didn't recall Bishan being that bad.

Run to MBS! Because Sister didn't realize that we had to enter 15min earlier and thought we still had a lot of time. Got to clear our bladders before the show, but the toilet was so so so full! Ran into Brother outside the toilet, what a coincidence!

Then we ran to the theatre. There, Sister parted from us as she had to go sit at the single seat at the Dress Circle. Brother carried me to our seats as it was all steps. The ushers made sure we settled down comfortably before leaving. A markedly better experience than the non-existent cinema ones. I'm not sure where the wheelchair-bound normally had to sit. Maybe special bay in front? But I didn't want to risk having to sit alone.

People streaming in slowly. Didn't see anybody familiar.

Ah neh couple in front of me! The smell was seriously strong XD As you can see, the woman's head was blocking my view :\

Before we could start, we had to bear with a speech from... forgot who.

And the show started! Impressive songs, music, dance and movement. It could get quite loud. Not suitable for babies. Everybody seemed to be engrossed in the musical, except for the lady next to me who seemed more interested in texting on her mobile. She left midway. Partying was probably more for her. Pity!

The view from my seat was surprisingly ok afterall, in spite of it being quite far back and off-centre.

I think I had watched too much motion pictures. Not able to catch very well the messages conveyed in a non-in-your-face way, such as in a stage setting. It took me quite a while to understand a particular scene was about lionesses hunting... and you might have guessed, it hit me only when the lionesses were happily mutilating the zebra. O... so that was what all the prancing was about...! It took me even longer to realize that the fat auntie with a huge board hanging on her ass was the baboon... S-L-O-W!

Intermission! Haha like so high-class hor, watching something with an intermission. Actually, I think it's just something to ensure the audience didn't get DVT.

Look at the crowd!

Look at the overpriced drinks! Toilet tap water for us then. Grr so thirsty after Thai Express!

I had seen the movie before, but I'm glad I had forgotten the story, thus enabling me to enjoy the musical in anticipation. Sure happy ending lah, but the process? The theatre burst into applause on curtains down. Wa cheapo SinkHell staff also can behave high-classly lor. I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially when it cost only 20 bucks wahaha. It's amazing how many backgrounds can be accommodated on a single stage and the speed at it could be changed. How songs had to be perfect, acting had to be executed without NG. The cast did the same thing everyday, but considering how gymnasts can slip up during Olympics, *kowtow*

Now to get home. The taxi queue was being itself. Sent Sister to join the queue while Brother and I waited at the front. Observed how everybody would rather give the Chrysler a miss. In the end, an angmoh did. Rich tourist! I spotted a lady who had a makeover done by S. She looked like somebody who didn't need a makeover...

The guys managing the taxi queue gave us priority. Yay!

Lion King, The Admin Nightmare

No thanks to the uncustomised Sistic website and creative but poor workers, I expected the people in charge of this Lion King promotion to have hell of a time. In a negative way, of course. I have no idea how they were going to verify the identities of each transaction. Let's see what they would do if he's a foreign particle, like my account, which actually bore my father's name. Fear not, tickets' in my hands already!

I was getting worried that the HR wouldn't accept country C's staff's name for the tickets. Better borrow another name... but WHO?

Eyes roaming the area...ah L! Why didn't I think of her sooner? She wasn't interested in Lion King and was willing to lend me her name. Yay! I will definitely pay you back when they dock your pay.

Parents were away in KL for the past weekend. When they returned, Father forwarded me a shock sms received on his phone - the HR had noticed that he wasn't a National Cockup Schedules staff, so if he didn't reply with his name and RO by 31^st May, they would cancel the tickets.

Argh! Now then I know! Nononono I'll explain! Using my own phone, I replied the guy and volunteered the information about lending my father's account to another colleague. Please accept my explanation. And don't blur please. There must be a gazillion other cases like mine out there. *Crosses fingers*

Thankfully, he replied positively. *phew*

But it was still not the end. I think the poor guy was badly confused by the circus out there. He followed up with a couple of phone calls which I patiently (had to) explained the whole story. Yeah, my colleague didn't have a Sistic account mah, so I lent her mine lor. *teethy smile*

This should teach them to implement some sort of login procedure next time lah. Don't mess with employees, we get creative when it comes to non-work stuff!

Straighten-A-Sotong Part XI

Busy day ahead! 9am appointment again, so I brought my sandwich along. I reached super early, 8.30am I think, because I was supposed to see the nurse for the estimated cost of surgery. My preferred class? Class C lor, stay so many days, probably not in a mood to enjoy any high-class facilities anyway. Save the money! My estimated length of stay was roughly 18 days. I was surprised that it was so short. Can meh?

The estimated bill was about $40k, ~$30k after Medishield and Medisave. Fwah. Not too worried, I can stomach that.

That is when we need Medishield and Medisave. Which reminds me of how shitty Medishield cruelly denied me coverage when I just started work due to my pre-existing condition. I mean, wtf? At least cover the other non-existing conditions can? You can cover smokers but not me? How fucked up! Luckily my father covered me under his policy when I was young. Screw you sneaky Medishield!

Then, the nurse tried to draw my blood for the Full Blood Count and Renal Panel. It was so difficult, that 3 nurses were needed to hold my arm, press it down, and to work the needle. Must have been drawing blood so much that my veins had shriveled in fear. Made a mental note not to go to NSC to let them do blood test anymore, since I have decided to stop the Spironolactone anyway. Not continuing liao, still do what blood test? Figured I would just become their statistics, at my expense.

While waiting for my turn to see Dr L, I went to the Pulmonary Function Lab. This clinic is so eng that no appointment was needed, just pop by whenever you want. While I chomped on my sandwich, the (over)friendly counter staff kept asking me if I would like Milo to go with it. No thanks! I think it would be my turn soon ^_^

I had to take my weight and height. Somehow, despite us trying to stop her, the technician wasn't able to comprehend when I told her that I couldn't stand up on my own, so she shouldn't be struggling to position the wheelchair in front of the weighing scale, leaving my father with no space to help me. Aiyah, just let her finish, then we do ourselves lah. I hoped she's feeling stupid now.

Ooo they have a sleep clinic here. Patients can come here doctors to monitor their sleep. It only opens at night lol!

Breathed in and out at a machine... I hoped the technician remembered to put oxygen in there. Glad nothing was smelly. Similarly, I hope I didn't foul up the machine.

My lung capacity sucks, I know. She was probably suspecting that I wasn't following her instructions. Didn't help when I can't wrap my mouth properly over the tube.

Then I waited for the results, paid and left.

Back to the orthopaedic clinic. Surprisingly, today's wait was relatively short.

Dr L: I have been thinking about you!

Huh?

Dr L: How to help you.

O... you should be!

He asked for the results of my ECG, which I didn't have. After telling him what the heart doctor said, he told me to take the ECG later. This person ah, must get what he wants eh?

I was sent to see the anaesthesia specialist. Chaperoned by a staff, I got to know the shortcuts around.

The anaesthesia clinic wanted to take my weight and height again. This time, I refused to cooperate. Didn't I just take it earlier in the day?

Staff: I need to take it again.

What a weak excuse! As if there will be dramatic changes in the span of 2hrs!

Sotong: It is very inconvenient for me. Can you try to find it in the system first?

Go find it in the system, lazy bum! I'm sure it must be there!

And she found the info. *rolls eyes*

Super long wait at the clinic, considering there's just 1 patient ahead of me. The patient went in for a long time, and the doctor idled (IMO) for a long time, as if waiting for lunch time (it was 11.30am), before deciding he had slacked enough and called me in.

Indian doctor from India. Almost couldn't understand him despite my years of immersion at work. He asked the mundane questions, like why I was here, my condition, general health, medical history... told me what to expect during and after anesthesia... mainly stuff that I already know. I would be looked after by a team. Then he asked if I had any questions.

Would the gas be brown, smelly and choking like last time?

Kidding. Of course I didn't ask that. No questions. Didn't know what to ask.

So I took 10min at most. I really wondered whether the previous patient had THAT many questions. Paid and left the clinic.

To the Heart Centre next. The ECG (12 Lead ECG, the order form said) took only a few minutes. Just attach the electrodes, lie there for a while, instant printout, which they would send to the doctor later. Hmm!

No need to pay also. I'm done for the day ley. Free? So good? Fantastic, I'm off! Don't regret it! *快闪*

Last stop, the Business Office to seek help for that massive estimated bill. Usually, a deposit was required upon admission, usually the entire estimated bill. How many people can cough up this sum when they were not going to buy a house or car?

The lady serving me said she could allow me to put up a smaller deposit of $5000 instead and pay the balance upon discharge. Which brought me to the next question. Did they expect me to pay the balance in a lump sum too? Wouldn't that be just postponing the inevitable?

The lady said I could request to pay by installments for the balance, interest-free, subject to my family's financial health. They would need the usual proofs to evaluate my case. I had the documents with me, so I passed them to her. She sounded very helpful the whole time. Hoped to hear good news from her!

Today's damage:
Spirometry $75.00
Static Lung Volumes $60.00
Subsidy -$65.00
Out of pocket $70.00

Orthopaedic consultation (C-RV) $59.00 - $31.00 = $28.00
Anaesthesia consultation (SR-FV) $75.00 - $45.00 = $30.00

Expensive! :(

Realized I wasn't charged for the lab tests?

After I got home and googled on anaesthesia, I realized the most popular question was whether they would be given the same chemical that killed Michael Jackson LOL!

Interest-free installments! That's really wonderful. Now, what if I could charge them to a credit card with rebates... I gotta find the perfect credit card!

Lion, Sotong and Kiasuism

The Lion King musical posters were everywhere, everybody was talking about it. Even Sotong, who never does anything artsy, couldn't help feeling curious about it. But tickets were so expensive, wouldn't it be a waste if I didn't know how to appreciate it?

The perfect opportunity presented itself - my company was selling heavily subsidized tickets to staff.

• Platinum $240 $60
• A Reserve $185 $45
• B Reserve $165 $40
• C Reserve $125 $30
• D Reserve $85 $20
• E Reserve $65 $15

The tickets booking would start at 12 noon on 27 May, first-come-first-serve.

Cool! Now I can test my interest cheaply!

But only 1 pair of tickets per lucky staff. Need 1 more so I can go with both my siblings. Need help from a colleague! Who would possibly be UNinterested in cheap Lion King? On the prowl for victims...

"I really think you don't want to watch Lion King."

Not being a very successful lioness here. I could only think of N, whose husband was likely to be overseas during the period, so no one would be watching with her and hence she's probably not going!

I sounded her interest by... being very direct. She agreed to help me. Thanks! :D However, I was slightly taken aback by the readiness. I suggested that she should still check with her husband. Should she change her mind, just let me know.

The next day, I checked with N again, but she hadn't spoken to her husband yet. Again, I emphasized that she has priority, but she should let me know as earlier if she decided to keep the tickets for herself, so I could look for someone else to help me. She said ok.

When I probed again a few days later, she said her husband might be interested, but as of now, she's still helping me. Uh oh. Confirm with me soon ok?

A few days later, still no reply. Getting insecured. Paiseh to probe her further :(

N still didn't give me an answer even when it was already the day before The Day. And she's on leave. And I'll be on leave on The Day. How to coordinate effort like that? For one thing, I knew she's taking leave because her husband was back and she's spending time with him. So I should take it that she's not helping me? Better get my backup plan together just in case. Looked around the office for targets... seriously, I think the whole office was interested in going and looking for extra tickets themselves lor.

Had to stay back to guide T, a colleague from country C to do data upload. He has A DAMN LOT of questions! I would have finished in half the time if I didn't have to entertain him :\ He had bad breath, yet sitting so close to me *gasped for air* Why did so many of them have bad breath??

He could repay me in some way though... *tentacles creeping up behind him*

Sotong: 你有去看 Lion King 吗?
T: 什么来着?

Yes! Chance!

I told him about the mass email. Seemed like colleagues from country C were always left out of such things, although they were also considered National Cockup Schedules staff. As such, T wasn't sure if he was eligible at all, although he didn't mind helping me. Har... Ok let's do it this way. If N couldn't help me tomorrow, I would get T to help me. If he's wasn't eligible, too bad for me. Since I would be on leave, I would need to contact T by phone or online. New contact on my MSN... Hugged the laptop home since I might need VPN to access the booking link.

The Day, a.k.a. today, has come. I was on leave and was supposed to go out for lunch and shop, but all had to wait because the hyperlink to book the tickets would only be revealed at 12 noon. VPN-ready. So at 11.30am, I was all dressed and ready to step out of the house to start my day, but couldn't because I had to camp in front of the computer -_- It's like NUS arts tutorial bidding all over again. Nostalgia.

Smsed N, but she didn't reply. Called her, but she didn't pick up. Gone to the washroom? Maybe.

Waited...

That's too long for a toilet break. Gone chit-chatting? T was online! I asked him to see if N was around. She wasn't, maybe gone for lunch? That's real early... got to wait for her to return call then.

Almost 12 noon and still no response from N. She don't know this kind of thing need to be first one meh? How's she going to get the tickets for herself or me or anybody if she's at lunch at this critical time? T, help me please! T was sooo nice :D

12 noon! But still no Lion King link. Kept refreshing my webmail, but still don't have. J was camping at home too, like me. Glad to know it's not that the HR had left me out.

HR sent an email saying that there was a problem and they were working to resolve it. Walau... faster lah, I want to go out! No idea how long they would take, didn't dare to leave my computer :S

Finally, the link came! I sent the link to T too. Attack!

Taking damn long to load. Opening multiple tabs didn't help. Same result with Firefox and IE. Argh! Something curious, it's a Sistic website, meaning it's public. So no need VPN lah. 害我（爸爸） laptop 回家. How were they going to prevent outsiders from ordering? Also meant that helpers need not be SinkHell staff...

Finally I got through to the booking page. Wa Platinum was sold out already! M had advised me not to choose the Dress Circle seats as they could be quite far back. I selected Stalls seats for A Reserve, keyed in the captcha, but it said I got it wrong. Ok again... still wrong?? It kept accusing me of keying wrongly. I where got so lousy! It happened to J too. Walau system cock up lah! Frustrating! Sistic should have known this would be like the whole SinkHell launching a DDoS attack on them. Shouldn't they have increased the server capacity? Maybe the main Sistic website wasn't working now as well, haha!

J told me that it was rumored that SinkHell people received the links way before we did and had already helped themselves to the Platinum seats. If it were true, UNFAIR!

Ah I got through the captcha! I made the mistake of choosing my own seats, because it took a freaking long time to load the seating plan!! Like hang there! So long that, if there were any seats at all, they would be gone by now. Sigh, gave up on that session, balek.

I suspected that the captcha mystery might be a way of telling us that the seats were sold out. This time, whenever it accused me of poor tying again, I changed the seating area. And I let the system assign the best seats. The less clicks, the faster I could complete the transaction.

T got to the confirmation! It's Dress Circle seats, but A Reserve, so not so bad! Not so fast, roadblock! A Sistic account was required. What... I thought it would be asking for National Cockup Schedules staff particulars lor... instead, we just got the usual Sistic workflow. Cheapo. I was apprehensive about giving out my Sistic account to outsiders, but on the other hand, I feared asking T to sign up his own account would result in requests which the server obviously couldn't handle already. Nah!

Hey my confirmation screen was up! Different seating area from T, but at least it was on the same day.

The confirmation itself took time to get through. Heaved a sigh of relief when it did. Double heave when the confirmation email arrived. 1pm already. Thanked T profusely. He had to go for late lunch all because of me. So touched!

Results: 2 D Reserve Stalls, CC 2,3 + 1 A Reserve, B 47. All so off-centre lor... hope can see.

The extra browser tabs we opened started getting through too. Looked like the server was finally getting a breather.

And finally I could go out. Couldn't help but feel pissed with N. She didn't reply me at all. I guessed she's probably on leave too. She's not obliged to, but it I really felt she should have at least informed me that she's not helping me. Or she's paiseh about deciding to keep the tickets for herself? I could only guess. I'm not going to raise this topic to her after today and will pretend it never happened.

At least, I learned something about N from this.

Straighten-A-Sotong Part X

Thank goodness Saturday appointments exists! Today's the most expensive investigation of all the - MRI. Before this day, the clinic's staff even called me up to remind me of my appointment and stressed that I should keep to it as it is very difficult to snag a slot. You bet I'm coming! Saturday appointments are precious! Despite it being at 10am... *yawnz*

And she also highlighted the cost. Yeah yeah...

Even the waiting room has nice cushioned seats.

But the changing room was very old ley :( The lock weird weird one. A lady didn't know how to let herself out XD

A guy stuffed earplugs into my ears, which I'm sure wouldn't work because I could still hear everything as before. I was put onto the machine and it worked its magic. Be very still... Don't waste my $$! Nothing to see, so I closed my eyes. The machine was LOUD! But still managed to fall asleep since I was in there for so long and consistent noises are easier to shut out. By the way, I was supposed to be still sleeping at this hour on Saturdays *sulks*

The bill - MRI whole spine, a staggering $700.00! After the subsidy, $400. Hole in the pocket :( Why can't I claim Medisave for this?

Straighten-A-Sotong Part IX

Went to see the social worker again. I only gave her the questionnaire back but not the proofs since she didn't ask for them. I didn't feel like giving since the collection was incomplete.

Back to the Heart Centre for the electrocardiogram (ECG). However, I was directed to wait outside the consultation room instead. After checking my echo test results, the doctor told me that I'm fine (permanently) and I could go. When I asked him about the ECG, he said I didn't need it. Ok, one less thing to pay for!

Consultation Services (SR-FV) $75.00
Subsidy -$45.00
Paid $30.00

I Don't Friend You!

N would rather accompany me alone to the toilet than to ask S to come along. She even asked me not to ask her to come together anymore, referring her as "that person". O ya... this morning, S also didn't come and disturb N before going to the pantry as she always did. Curious, but didn't want to probe. N will tell me if she wanted to.

I didn't have to wait long to find out why. N had to tell me herself XD

Yesterday evening, N, S, J and P were on the bus home. They were all standing and when the bus jerked, N accidentally stepped on S's foot. S playfully stepped back. So they started taking turns stepping on each other when S blew her top all of a sudden, shouting at N at top volume.

"YOU THINK IT IS VERY FUN IS IT? STEPPING ON PEOPLE?"

J, P and N were stunned. N was taken aback at the sudden change of mood. The normally docile S, getting so mad? I should have seen how she was glaring at N, her eyes wide, round and fierce. N apologized, but S ignored her. Unable to stay no longer, N alighted at the next stop.

N felt very humiliated. If S didn't want to play anymore, she could have told her instead of playing along and sending wrong signals. N had treated S as her best friend in office, yet it wasn't mutual. What was all the previous goofing and poking fun about then? N was devastated. She couldn't speak to such an unreasonable person anymore. She saw no need to apologize too. Instead, S should be the one apologizing.

Sounded like some lover breakup hor? Unintentional...

Ah, now I'm entitled to the other side of the story. J's the perfect source.

J's version was largely the same. Just some details, like how N didn't hold on to something properly when the bus was so crowded. Taking a joke too far and not knowing when to stop. J had to defuse the awkwardness after S's outburst by saying... something I forgot. After N alighted, S complained to J.

So S was not remorseful at all lah. Why is there still such primary school tiffs going on now?? You step me, I step back, not happy then don't friend each other? Wakao! Although N didn't bar me from speaking to S, still, it'll be awkward.

The incident had badly impacted N. She has been thinking about their friendship and couldn't fathom what went wrong. Our lunch group was fractured into 2 as a result. J with S and I felt obliged to stay with N. Sigh.

For one thing, J was right about not N not knowing when to stop her jokes. N had been teased S about "this guy" on and off, about how S has been looking at him, him looking at her, whether she missed him now that he's gone blah blah blah. S would be teased mercilessly during each of the episodes and she would hit N in retaliation, albeit playfully. It would go on and on, until even I myself was tired of eavesdropping and wondered how S could tolerate it. And I still couldn't figure out who the guy was and whether he's the same person.

And so N and S neither spoke to nor as much as looked at each other ever since. Heng they were not doing the same project.

Cow-selling Notes: The Application

Ask me what have I been up to for the first 5 months of the year.

Nothing very much, I felt as if I have only been doing one thing. Am 100% sick of it.

Cow-selling Notes CR for AiFalm.

Life wasn't too bad after I returned from my holiday. At the turn of the year, my PM informed me that I would be involved in a major CR. It was scheduled to go live on April's Fools Day, so time was tight and we would have to start work immediately although the specifications were not finalized yet. Knowing our customer No Hope Group's pattern very well after all these years of slavery work with them, they were not going to endorse the specifications until you threaten them with postponement of UAT and subsequently rollout date. This time, the live date was mandated by Money Over Health, so die die have to be ready by then. Records have to be kept for every cow sales talk. So the users have to cooperate to Make IT Happen, right?

The truth was, from users' perspective, WE were going to be the ones running in the opposite direction of the conveyor belt that was rolling us towards the screeching saw.

The team consisted of me, R as the TL, J as the QC and a newcomer from country C, S as another developer. Apart from coping with deadline, still need to 带新人! Good luck to us!

Since I was the more senior of the 2 developers, I was handed the tougher pie. On top of that, I still had to write API while S developed the screen. Shit! That's ultimate bad news for a trial and error programmer who never knows whether her code is correct until she sees the output on screen! And I was going to add on to the most complicated and 恐怖 screen. 祝我好运...

As usual, the specifications were not very specific. While coding, it was evident that the screen was not very user-friendly. There were secret functions (Easter eggs?) waiting for the developer and user to discover. For example, there were + - buttons for adding items to a list. According to the specifications, update to the list item will be supported. However, there was no mention of how to go about updating. So the developer would have to make an educated guess. Code in the way that the user would most likely perform the task intuitively (they might not even realize that it wasn't mentioned in the specifications) and not too hard to code.. In a way, it's ”not following the specifications”. Risky as the user might throw a tantrum instead.

My solution was to make the user highlight the row first. Make the changes and click on + to confirm. Now a button has dual functions, behaving as add/update, hinging on whether a row is selected. O and if you select, modify and accidentally select another row, your changes will be GONE. Haha can start anticipating bugs already. Don't care let the users discover themselves.

That's just one of the numerous landmines waiting to blow up in our faces. Curiously, the CR was first brought up nearly 1 year ago. So long already, still haven't finalize.

SIT was soon after CNY, so some of my holiday was spent catching up at home. Some weekends too. Some very late nights on weekdays.

The users finally signed off the specifications, not before the PM issued threats and them wanting to add more requirements. No problem, quality suffer only.

S is not a bad coder, in fact he likes programming (!!). He just needed some guidance on AiFalm's standards. He claimed to have not done J2EE before, but he caught on very quickly. But love for coding can be a double-edged sword. He proposed new ways of doing things that sounded great, but sorry, cannot, because no time for him to experiment. I think that's why you can't make your hobby your job because there exists so many ways to kill your interest....

His weaknesses? Weak command of English has to be the first. I think he and our dear Indian TL had a hard time understanding each other. Interpreter required. J had to sit beside him to guide him word by word. No choice, send his version to users sure kena complain. Sometimes, practically all his documentations had to be rewritten. O well, invest time and hope he will improve.

Intuitive choice of variable names like obj1, obj2 that look very cool on textbooks. Seriously, does he even remember them himself? The epic - S was tasked with exploring how to resolve an unpredictable Javascript error in my file. He spent some time and announced it was done. We didn't have time for code review, so we took his word for it and deployed to SIT. Unfortunately, the Javascript error still existed. I don't blame him, since it wasn't reproducible consistently. It probably just didn't happen when he was testing.

But I was still curious about what he had done. Omg, he had revamped the code till I couldn't recognize it anymore. The Javascript was converted to Java scriptlet with the obj1-style cryptic variable and method names. Did I mention before that I hated computing textbooks because they love to write like that and I couldn't understand at all? There were unnecessary method calls, like Method A -> Method B (which does nothing except call Method C) -> Method C. Worse still, I found a broken code! *palm face*

Super careless. Tell him things to note, but later still forget. Tell him about a bug in a part of the file and ask him to fix all occurrences, in the end only fix the one we told him. Warned him of potential bugs, but later still created those very bugs. Asked him to add new functionality, but removed another in the process. Merge code still can miss out things although I have introduced CompareIt to him. No choice, got to complain to PM to get her to counsel him.

It didn't help that J was going through a family crisis + study stress. 乖乖 code, create less bugs...

The users were the hounds out for blood. They need a refresher course to remind them the purpose of UAT. They are supposed to test the functionality based on that document with their digital go-ahead. It is NOT a requirement gathering session. That screen they were clicking on was NOT a mock-up. As always, they complained of poor usability, so it's a design fault on our part. So bad that they didn't even want to start testing. We should be able to read their minds and conjure the perfect layout containing exactly all the information they would like to see.

Right. So why didn't they feedback earlier? It's because they wouldn't know until they tried their hands on it, they reasoned.

With people like these, I honestly think a few rounds of mock-up testing would do us all good. Just that the users have to pay for the additional effort. Which they wouldn't. Hellcare always ”no budget” one.

Like always, the users started asking for enhancements, which had to be ready by the next UAT, on top of the bug fixes. A few from each user, multiplied by 7 institutions, that's a lot. And it's all for free. I know we were not going to get a fatter bonus by making the users pay for them, but it's to teach them a lesson and hopefully result in more realistic deadlines for us developers in future. Suka suka sign off first because they didn't want to always have to make all their friends agree with what each of them wanted before putting down the requirement in black and white, later then try to squeeze things in later during UAT. That is a 贱招 they have pulled off time and time again. I have observed that it's actually an express lane where wants get converted to reality many days faster. That is NOT the way!

Of course, we have to bear some responsibility for pampering those users in the first place. Every CR also want ”goodwill” discount in the quotation. Then wring mandays out of us by the above ploy. Weak PM?

Result? The screen where 80% of the action was, was beyond recognition. Even the users noticed. There was simply no time to update the specifications. We only had our memories, issue ID commented in the codes and release documents, which were most at risk of going missing. Do it when this thing was over? By then, we would have a new hot potato in our hands!

Judging from prior CRs, nothing was going to get updated. Good luck to whoever's doing production investigations next time.

And so users were loading us with so many enhancements that we didn't have time for proper coding and testing. The side effect was bugs lor. They still had the cheek to complain so many bugs! Why, those were bugs on their enhancements mah, they asked for it!

Resulting Workflow
1) Conduct requirement gathering. Arranging meeting(s) with at least 7 people working at all different places and schedules are probably necessary.
2) Draft the specifications and send to users for review. Allow n days for them to procrastinate.
3) Discuss the feedback during another meeting.
4) Repeat #2 and #3 until nobody has anymore feedback, or until the developers have to OT every night given the current schedule, whichever comes first.
5) Ask users to sign off the specifications. Meanwhile, developers start work while PM prepares the threat email. Wait n days.
6) Send the threat email. Users respond because either they weren't thinking or didn't want to agonize themselves with #2 - #5.
7) CR completes development and SIT in a mad rush. Years shaved off the team's life expectancies.
8) During each day of UAT1, users present the cool ideas they were secretly brewing, which usually get the nod within 1 day because the team only had max 2 days to let the idea finish development and SIT. No time for all users' consensus. Maybe some missed the email, so they weren't aware there would be such a change, but too bad. Team entertains thoughts of quiting, but decided against it since CR would be over by the end of the notice.
9) Repeat #8 for UAT2, which is supposed to be the final UAT.
10) Last minute arrange for a special UAT3 for bugs outstanding from UAT2. A few users still try to squeeze more things, but get rejected.
11) E, feeling entitled, threatened that users on the ground will reject the CR altogether upon rollout as the system is unusable without his proposed enhancement. PM told him to go fly kite. Way to go! Want something perfect? Delay lor! We don't care!

After going live, it's the usual business of fixing bugs reported. Say we never test thoroughly lah, miss so many scenarios... You users also don't know all what! In just one screen, there are endless permutations of actions. It may sound like excuses, but realistically, it is impossible to test thoroughly. Not with the puny sum the users were willing to shell out anyway.

Nightmare was not over yet. There's an outstanding deliverable that deserves a post on its own.

Straighten-A-Sotong Part VIII

Getting my echocardiogram done early in the morning at 9am. 9am appointment at No Use Hospital was a BAD idea - needed to wake up real early!

The new Heart Centre was really pleasant. Spacious waiting area, nice toilet, just that there are so many rooms that it was slightly confusing.

I was given the test results to show the heart doctor. The comments was ”technically difficult study”. I'm so difficult meh?

The Cardiac Echo Doppler study was $345.00, but only $100.00 out of pocket.

Straighten-A-Sotong Part VII

First time taking a CT scan. While waiting for my turn, I saw other patients drinking something that looked yucky. Must be some contrasting agent. Heng I didn't have to take it.

It was a long, boring wait. So long that I thought they might ask me to return tomorrow.

Asked me to do stunt lor. Lie with my arms above my head, parallel to my body. I think in the end I just put them behind my head. Almost couldn't enter the doughnut...

Then took some x-rays. Did the BMD test.

Today's damage:
X-ray:
 Bmd, Hip & Lumbar spine  $130.00
 CT - Spine (2 Areas)  $525.00
 CT - 3D Reconstruction  $300.00

Total $955.00!!!

Fortunately after subsidy, it's only $155.00. Otherwise next stop would be A&E followed by Heart Centre. How do private patients bite the bullet and keep it down?

What a radioactive day.

Straighten-A-Sotong Part VI

Yesterday, I told my best friend in office, J about it but regretted it the moment I got home. Diffusion applies to news. If the news spread to N, my second best friend in office, who makes friends from any place you can think of, such as buses and toilets, and is close to some other PM, who in turn, is close to my PM, or worse still, higher up people, she might unwittingly propagate it and the unintended recipients might get wind of it prematurely. 交游太广阔了！ So, as much as I would like to share the news with my friends, I was more afraid of letting bosses know about it. So 以小人之心，度君子之腹 :(

Now, I had burdened J with a secret. Sorry :(

Sotong The Prophet Of Natural Disasters

2009 Apr-May, Taiwan trip
4 months later, in 2009 Aug, Typhoon Morakot, the deadliest typhoon to impact Taiwan in recorded history, devastated Taiwan.

2010 Nov, Japan trip
4 months later, in 2011 Mar, Tohoku Earthquake and its resulting tsunami leveled Sendai and triggered a nuclear disaster, its effects still rippling through the country.

4 months after enjoying the best of her host countries, catastrophe befell them. Coincidence?

I was considering visiting Sendai in the future, but looks like I won't be able to do so for at least the next decade.

Straighten-A-Sotong Part V

How's progress?

• Start compressing my non-essential medical appointments... got to start conserving leaves and MCs for the numerous check-ups and eventual hospitalization. DONE! So proud of myself *V*
• Read up on my company's leave policy... I know nothing except the basics! Erm... too busy at work! This can wait.
• Google Dr L. Found some publications to his name, should be ok ba. Nothing negative found.
• Google about the surgery. ...Didn't do :X
• Think of when to tell my boss. When I have the surgery date.

Back to see Dr L to inform him of my decision. Now we can fix the big day. He suggested late May.

WHAT? That's like next month? I don't want to (potentially) spend my birthday in hospital or be trapped at home! I still want to go Brotzeit!

”Huh? No! I haven't had enough fun.”

He asked if I believed in ghosts.

”No...?”

Why did he ask?

O!

”But my mother does, so cannot.”

There are less elective surgeries during Hungry Ghosts Festival, so theoretically, the hospital staff should be freer and hence translate into better care for me. But my mum would probably think that human intervention is of no match to the supernatural.

Dr L had to look into his calender again. The next date was 28 September.

5 months to enjoy... reasonable. On!

I couldn't sign the consent yet as it was still more than 3 months away.

Dr L rattled off the items to order, which the same hassled MO scribbled away. Some screws thing. Must be expensive.

I haven't consented ley, so fast order, later I don't want, how? Now you guys can hope that I don't fly plane!

Dr L rattled off the tests to order for me while I watched the MO trying to catch up on the SAP system. 可怜...

Ok, when shall I break it to my boss?

As I exited the consultation room, it dawned upon me that I had done myself a huge favor. June/July is the bonus and increment season! I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it. You see, when I was in my second job, I had an ex-colleague who gave 2 months notice to leave his position although only 1 month was required. Don't ask me why he was so extra, but he did it anyway. The HR promptly converted him to contract staff. I never knew conversion to perm is a reversible process.

I trust my RO not to play dirty on me, but the same cannot be said about the others, such as her boss and the HR. I'm going to be a liability when I'm on leave. So, I won't be telling my boss just yet then. Maybe after the $$ is safely in my pocket.

Then, I went to see the social worker to see if I would qualify for any aid. I'm sure I won't, but I will just try my luck.

I had to fill in a questionnaire detailing my family's finances and also provide documentary evidence. I promised to email the stuff over once I'm done.

Looked at the form and felt damn sian. Need to fill in the family's income, bank statements and monthly expenses. Walau sure cannot make it lor. No wonder J was telling me about having to stash money away in a secret bank account. Too late for that already, sure will show up in the bank statement :\

Straighten-A-Sotong Part IV

For the first time, I went to No Use Hospital. As usual, I was first asked noob general questions by a MO before The senior consultant, Dr L entered from the other room. He asked me English or Chinese. Wow got choice! For Father's benefit, I chose Chinese. Bad choice! It was Hong Kong Chinese, like how Aaron Kwok speaks. I hope he didn't see my dot dot dot face. Erm... Cantonese please! Off the menu, but obviously he can! Don't care if the MO can't understand!

Amazingly, he said I was operable despite my condition and he being inexperienced in cases like me. He proceeded to explain why I should get it done and how it would be done. Bones from A to B will be fused, some might be broken in the process (eeks!). Ear in ear out... XD To complete his sales pitch, he even showed me photos of before and after pictures on his Blackberry. (What were such pictures doing there??) A patient who's practically a S, was almost straight now! Impressed!

When I expressed concern about the cost, he said I could see the social worker.

Wow. The pole opposite from Took Their Savings Hospital. Hmm. Imagined if I hadn't bothered to come!

He examined me and wanted to take the Before photo, before I even decided whether to go ahead with the surgery or not. Of course, I was reluctant and gave the ”huh” look. Was it even appropriate? I felt as if I was the perfect specimen. Nothing new to me, but this was happening too fast.

He assured that I wouldn't be identifiable. Fine then. Trust his photography skills lor. The chaperons were 2 female medical students. Free labor? Heehee!

I said I would have to think about it.

Dr L rattled off the stuff required for the surgery that would need to be ordered while the MO scribbled them down in a frenzy. Slow a bit, Dr L got impatient. Wa tough to work under him eh... Feeling sorry for the MO already.

What I caught gave me a shock - I was going to need implants that cost about $30,000.

Wtf! Implants alone $30k! Almost fell off my chair. Plus everything else then how much liao?

It was a super long wait, like almost 2hrs, to get the appointments for the various tests to check my suitability for surgery. Got MRI lah, ECG lah, CT scan, as if I'm having all the scans possible! Just hope I have enough leave for them all.

I got an appointment 2 weeks later to inform Dr L of my decision. Actually, I could have told him there and then, but let's pretend that I still needed to think about it. I should, really.

And I was off to Nex for the first time. Impression: F&B everywhere!

My to-do list from next week:

• Start compressing my non-essential medical appointments... got to start conserving leaves and MCs for the numerous check-ups and eventual hospitalization.
• Read up on my company's leave policy... I know nothing except the basics!
• Google Dr L.
• Google about the surgery.
• Think of when to tell my boss.